20200512 - My Dad
So, today
I have been thinking a lot about my father.
We don’t get to pick our parents, but we do end up carrying a lot of
baggage because of them. I decided it
was time to work though a few things about my dad.
On
the plus side my dad was smart. He
taught his children to know the importance of education and fiercely believed
in making sure his four children went to college and got their degrees (2 @
Texas and 2@ Texas A&M). He was a
hard worker. He enjoyed meeting
people. Raised on a ranch north of Fort
Worth, he knew a lot about cattle and cattle ranching. He was the first in his family to go to
college (Texas A&M). He worked for a
variety of companies in the insurance business both in the back end and with
the clients. He was well respected by
his peers in his career. He always got
up to go to work no matter what how he felt. He loved country-western music and Texas
A&M.
He
won a scholarship to Texas A&M with a ROTC requirement. He did not like the rules of the Aggie Corps
but spoke with an almost reverence with them.
As a result, he ended up working his way through school, the cafeteria
during the semester and ranch work in the summer. Since he had a car, he would run a “Taxi” service
for some of the other students. This
included trips to LaGrange for those so inclined. I believe this might have had a major impact
on his view of women and their position. If this part of his story is true, I cannot
be sure, but he told me this story on my 18th birthday and it stayed
consistent for the next 38 years until he died so I tend to believe it was
true.
He
claimed his best years were when he was in college and was thrilled when his oldest
decided to go there. He made sure her
room and board and schooling were paid in full.
When his second child and namesake decided to also attend Texas A&M,
he was beside himself. His
disappointment when his first son flunked out of Texas A&M and decided to
go to Texas instead was palpable. With 2
in college at the same time, his third child, me, chose Texas over Texas
A&M. Without parental help I could
not afford Texas A&M with room and board but could work the summers and
part time during the school year and afford to live in Austin Texas. Remember it was super cheap to live in Austin
in 1980. Because of the gap between
myself and his youngest, he offered a full ride to my brother. By this time my father had become a 12th
man foundation member and the die was cast for him.
He
loved work. I believe he found all his
value there. He never managed to figure
out the whole family thing. My sister
doted on him, until she finally figured out, he was a philanderer. Then, well then,
their relationship was never the same. I
will write more about my sister and my relationship on a future entry. My older brother was his namesake. He absorbed a lot from my dad and my dad doted
on him also. Unfortunately, my older brother
was not gifted with any athletic ability.
Where my dad was 6’ 180 lbs. in 1954, my older brother was 6’1” and maybe
140 soaking wet in 1977. He had a nice
jump shot and is wicked smart, he just had no natural ability. I had little or no interest in sport as a
child, so my father had little or nothing to do with me. I was content playing with Lego’s and
building models. Part of my disinterest
could have been from my father’s obsession with have a sport kid and my fear of
disappointing him in some way, shape, form or fashion. Better to not risk it, rather than be a disappointment. I also found a deep and almost obsessive love
for all things about the Second World War.
It was not until my mother encouraged me and a middle school coach
suggested that I play basketball that I found a passion. My
little brother he f**ked over. Instead
of being a father or mentor he tried to make him his friend. The net-net was a co-dependent relationship
that resulted in my younger brother, whom I love fiercely, being a true
man-child. He has the most difficult
time dealing with the world and since both of my parents have passed, has been
in jail on several occasions. The bright
spot, his only son. There is a great
kid. So, kudos to my little brother on that point.
On
the minus side he was an alcoholic. He
demeaned his wife, my mother. He used
his brain to belittle and insult his family at different times. He pitted his 3 older children against each
other, something that still exists today.
He philandered. He was a chain
smoker. He hated passionately people he
felt were his intellectual inferior, tried hard to pass that one on to me. He was only interested in his children when their
accomplishments shined on him. He was a first-class
narcissist. He claimed to not be a racist
but used the N-word more times than I can remember and often used stereotypes. He hated gay men; I often ponder why he had
that much animosity towards homosexuals.
He watched porn, I mean he watched a lot of porn, I know because I was tasked
with cleaning up his laptop when he passed.
This is something no child should ever have to do as it makes a bad
situation so much worse than you can ever imagine. He and my mom stayed married, but I know when
I left to move on with my life, they were co-inhabitants in a loveless
marriage. I think the thought of change
scared them both more than living in the same house. In the end, they existed on separate schedules
and separate parts of the house.
Well
that is enough for tonight.
Good luck to all of you.
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